Clothes certainly make the man but charm renders you immortal.
Just think of the world’s most charming people such as J.F.K., George Clooney, Bill Clinton or the late Princess Diana or Joanna Lumley. All people for whom grace and charisma outshines the brittle beauty of Angelina or Victoria Beckham.
So how can you access your charm gene?
Here are a few simple steps that will take your from lack lustre to legend and will raise your profile from floor to soar.
• Smile
Whether we’re pleasant to be around depends less on the situation than on our behavior. Rapport in business is fueled by seemingly minor considerations, such as a friendly, accessible demeanor and a welcoming smile.
• Act "as if" you are charming.
Shoulders back, smile in place, walk as though you know you light up the room. Let your body language be warm and welcoming. Others will believe it and pretty soon your psyche will do too. This tactic in body language is known as "echoing".
• Make an impact.
Shake hands warmly and look your contact directly in the eye, smiling broadly. State generously how pleased you are to meet them saying their name, (which you instantly make a point of remembering), as you do so. Break the ice with a pleasant observation – “isn’t this great? I also like ….” - this is bonding.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Look really interested.
Most people are starved of being listened to, of being heard. It is the biggest honor to show genuine interest in another person. Dare to be rapt in what they say and ask interested, leading questions – “How interesting, so tell me how you exactly fricassee Spam?” You will be very well thought of.
• Be generous.
Give things away; introduce people to each other, share information and your time. Be sure to be the person who talks 20% to allow others to speak 80%.
• Give compliments
Find excuses to praise others – “Oh I can imagine you would be so good at that” – “that color is made for you” but never tell lies or be obsequious. There is a fine line between smarm and charm so beware.
• Accept compliments.
Be gracious when others wish to compliment you. Don’t assume the flattery was someone’s throwaway remark to make you feel better. It is meant with genuine intent so thank the giver and say kindly (even if you feel uncomfortable) “how kind of you to have noticed” which acknowledges the other person thoughtfully.
• Be well read.
It doesn’t mean you have to have complete in-depth knowledge of the Greek tragedies or a Harvard degree but be up on current affairs, pop culture and latest trends so you have a store of relevant issues to discuss with people. Be sure to include others and orient the conversations around the topics which interest them.
• Don’t argue.
Learn to disagree in a way that shows respect. Being pedantic or being “right” about everything is not attractive. Needless to say swearing, cursing, be-littling or gossiping are also off limits.
A caveat- all of the above must be conducted from the heart or it won’t work. It’s not about manipulation but treating others with savoir faire and aplomb. The rewards are abundant as Beyonce once sighed: “I’m just a sucker for a charming person”.
• Be sincere. Do not use the above to con or deceive others.
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