By Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency
http://www.israelnewsagency.com/volcanocloudvolcanicisraeljerusalemirandubaimossadzionistsenglandukgreenismmashiachlikudkadimashashamasidfobamanetanyahutouristsashseamanregev88051110.html
Jerusalem ---- May 11, 2010 …. I just finished looking upwards towards the blue sky above Israel. It's not there. If it is - would someone please tell me where it is. What I am talking about is the gigantic, menacing, dark grey volcano cloud. You know, the pollution that God has been spitting out from the Mount Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland which grounded thousands of people in Europe over the last two weeks.
It all started with my kind and elderly neighbor. He was out making his daily feeding of stray cats when he asked me if I had heard the news. Hey, I eat news for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so what could he add as he whistles to the cats to come and eat?
He tells me that a cloud is coming. He points to the sky. Staring upwards while asking me if I was ready.
Ready for what?
I walk fast up the stairs to my home, turn on the computer monitor and yes - I read that there is a volcano cloud full of poisonous gas and debris heading for Israel. That Ben-Gurion Airport may close down.
But it is what I don't read that truly disturbs me. No mention of where the cloud will actually make its beachhead. Must I get a gas mask from the IDF? Must I stay inside? Will I awake the next day to grey debris and dying dinosaurs?
Nothing. Nada. The government is not telling me anything. Is that because they don't know or they don't want to panic the public?
So in the absence of substantial news regarding Israel's first volcanic cloud to hover over the Holy Land since the dormant Mt. Hermon let off some steam thousands of years ago, perhaps the following is what is actually happening.
The majestic volcano cloud has moved over Israel and is hovering somewhere between Jerusalem and Rahmallah. Iran is accusing Israel of having created a volcanic cloud so that satellites cannot observe the Zionist army below and they have sworn to "wipe the volcano cloud off the map."
The Palestinians have demanded at the UN that the Western side of the cloud is theirs, no different than the West Bank. Foreign peace activists are reported to be protesting under the cloud demanding an end to Israel's occupation of it. Obama has stated that he would not tolerate any use of the cloud by Israel. No flying, no building - not even selling postcards of it.
Many ask, if it should rain, who would keep the rich volcanic dust? The TASE is experiencing a sharp climb as speculators read about Israeli drug manufacturers creating large nets to catch the volcanic dust as it falls and to be sold as aphrodisiacs, more powerful than Viagra and Cialis.
Police authorities in Dubai are accusing the Mossad of having created the volcanic cloud while English MP's are demanding that Israel apologize.
Green peace activists have joined J Street and the ISM in blaming Israel's blatant lack of animal rights in allowing the volcanic cloud to interrupt the flight of thousands of innocent, migrating birds.
It has been reported that the SPNI - the Society for the Preservation of Nature in Israel is now selling tickets to thousands of tourists at Ben-Gurion Airport to come to the Negev and watch the cloud with camels and red Golan wine.
Facebook and Twitter have come alive with reports from Lebanon that the volcanic cloud is being used as cover and as a diversion for the IDF to attack Iran and Syria nuclear facilities.
Maccabi Tel Aviv and Hapoel Haifa are rescheduling their games as cable TV entities Hot and Yes create "Volcano Channels."
Israel supermodels models Shelley Gafni, Bar Refaeli and Galit Gutman are now advertising special clean wipes designed to remove volcanic dust from our faces while removing wrinkles. Buy now at Superpharm, get 2 for 1.
Lastly, hundreds of rabbis in Jerusalem are declaring that the Mashiach is about to arrive, as they believe that the volcanic cloud represents the end - Israel's version of the disaster movie 2012.
Mark Regev and Danny Seaman, spokespersons of Israel Prime Minister's Office and the Government Press Office have simply responded by saying: "The Mashiach will be a great political leader descended from King David. He will be well-versed in Jewish law, and observant of its commandments. He will be a charismatic leader, inspiring others to follow his example. He will be a great military leader, who will win battles for Israel. He will be a great judge, who makes righteous decisions. But above all, he will be a human being, not a god, demi-god or other supernatural being."
Okay, got it. Benjamin Netanyahu is wasting no time. In a bid to fight off Likud and Kadima rivals, and securing Shas - Bibi is accepting the role of Mashiach. The only question left outstanding now is: will Barack Obama invite the Mashiach again to the White House and if so, is Obama not afraid of Netanyahu's new, mystical powers?
Will Obama invite the Mashiach to enter the White House through the servants quarters as he did last time or will Netanyahu be welcomed in the same manner of a Saudi, oil rich king?
Let's keep that radio on and look upward.
The Israel News Agency, which is accredited by Israel Government Press Office, was the first on line news organization in Israel. The INA reaches up to 60 million readers through Google News and Internet social networking channels such as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube from New York, London, Moscow and Paris to Toronto, Los Angeles, China and India. Leyden is presently launching the United States News Agency using the INA as a successful working model.
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